***PLEASE BE WARNED***
This may not be your cup of tea. It may or may not include foul language. I haven't decided yet. And it definitely will be a little hard on the parties involved. Because I didn't deserve this, and I feel it's worth getting off my chest. Especially since I was only ever nice. And even more especially because of the hurt I am enduring up until the very moment I write this.
I wanted to let all of you know what happened without having to tell the story five million times. Besides, at this point I don't care who says what, and I know for a fact that she won't read this because she doesn't care enough to. Please read the previous blog before you read this one. It sort of plays into the story line. I'm writing this because I want to put it to bed.
Okay, read it? Great...and let's continue the story.
When she finally did pick up the phone, the lies started flowing. Now, I had watched her lie to her ex and her mother while right in front of me, and I really didn't know what made me think I would be any different. I mean, she was emotionally and verbally abused to a certain extent, so that could have been why. There was one fact that remained, though.
She lied to me. Several times.
Not once did I lie to her about anything. Ever. She told me that someone had changed her Facebook relationship status on her phone the night before. Unfortunately, when I checked it around 5:30 or 5:45 on Sunday afternoon, it said "48 minutes ago." That was lie number one.
I then asked her about the guy that she added within 15 minutes of declaring herself single. She told me that it was just some guy she met in Wilmington. (I know, but trust me when I say it's vital to the story. Because we all live our lives through social networking and the internet now.) So, I get caught in the aftermath of a natural disaster after getting off work, bust my ass to get there, and you didn't pick up the phone because you were meeting the next love of your life. After telling me you loved me for the first time less than a month before that. Wow.
Then I started asking her about things that she had been doing to hurt me. She was so calm and collected, and very, very silent. She wanted a break. So I politely asked her to meet with me on Monday morning before she went to class so that we could talk. That whole conversation was riddled with her turning everything around on me, calling me a "F__ing ___hole" as many times as she could, and saying hurtful things to me while trying to leave several times. I asked her what I had done wrong, and she could never name anything. I started to realize that I hadn't done anything wrong, and that this was her being young and nasty to me so that I would break up with her and she could tell EVERYONE that it was me. Except she forgot that I'm a fighter. So, I'm fighting, and she is lying. Want to know how?
Every single night she got a text message and all of the sudden needed to get off the phone. THAT is what you call suspect behavior.
I asked her, "Do you want to be with me, yes or no?" That was the last thing I ever said to her, because she hung up on me with no warning and not a sound heard for 20 seconds before that, then texted me and told me her daughter was choking and she had to attend to that. Funny how she was outside smoking a cigarette at the time.
After that, I tried calling back a few times, and sent her a few messages. I haven't heard from her since. Now, just to be clear, I'm not accusing her of being a liar in general. She hates that. And up until I found out the real deal, I really did love this girl. Still kinda do, because no matter how had I try, I can't help who I love. First girl that I told her that I loved her in over 5 years. I AM, however, saying that she lied to me. And that's not an accusation, it's a fact. Because when I pop over to Facebook to unfriend her lying, cheating ass, and she has statuses up there about new guys, it's not an accusation. It's a fact. I really hope she had fun on her walk in the park with someone special, and had fun on her trip to Wilmington last night to go see the new guy.
I feel sorry for him, and I'm going to pray for him and her (seperately.) Because she did it to her ex with me and with others, and she did it to me with what I think are a few guys, and she's going to do it again until she gets help and realizes that she's wrong. When people are nice to you and you like them, that's not how you treat them. I made concessions in my life and was willing to fight for her. I even thought about taking a punch in the face so that she could get her son back. You know, North Carolina's grab-and-run law: whoever has the kid is who the kid goes with.
Let me tell you something I wll say time and time again: I am not stupid. I watched you treat your ex the same way, and it made HIM crazy. It took me one day to realize what was going on, and I had to make a decision. This was the decision I made.
I decided to let go. I know through the help of a new, great friend of mine, that I can't do anything to help her. Furthermore, I can't help ANY of these women that so many of my friends know I have been dating for many, many years. It's not my job to fix broken women. Captain Save-A-Ho has left the building, and the cape is being retired. I will not allow myself to be emotionally abused by women who have become abusers after being treated badly. And it's because my heart can't take it anymore. And I mean that figuratively and literally.
Literally, because I went to the doctor yesterday, and even she knew something was wrong. She started asking me questions, and we had a nice, long chat. At the end of which she diagnosed me with General Anxiety Disorder. (Sorta sneaky, that's why I like her.) Basically, I am stressed the eff out to the point where she actually believes THAT is what is causing my high blood pressure, and has been for some time. So, now she wants me to call her once a week and update her off-the-record, and she made me promise to go in whenever she says she feels I need to. And now I have to take anti-anxiety meds. Great. I'm the nice, kind-hearted, gentle one who loves everyone and treats people as nicely as I can, and *I* get the crazy pills. Sheesh. Really? At least I was lucky enough to have a doc who had a degree in Psychology. Thanks again, Big Guns upstairs.
Hi, my name is Vinny, and I'm an official, card-carrying member of the Tony Soprano Anti-Panic-Attack Worrywart Club.
Anyway, moving right along, that's what happened. And I really believe there's alot more to the story that I don't know about, but I'm okay with not knowing. My self-confidence, self-worth, self-esteem, and anything else you can throw "self" in front of is at an all-time low But, the truth is, I'll probably never hear from her again. Except for in a few years, when she'll contact me to do what damn near every other ex of mine has done:
"I'm so sorry that I did what I did to you. I was so messed up and you're such a nice guy, and I can't believe I did some of those things. Can you forgive me?"
Yeah, I forgive you. Because that's how I roll. I can even forget. But how about you do me the favor of not reminding me about yourself again.
Ever.
Especially if you live in Jacksonville and your name is Cortney Blount.
V
SN: Time to start the healing process. Not just from this, but the many years of girls like her doing the same thing to me. If you'd like to help with that, and Lord knows I need it, my number is on my Facebook profile. I could use some words from you, even if you don't think I'd want to hear from you.
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