Recently I have been perusing some different venues, and I've noticed something that is beginning to bother me. The worst thing I saw? I asked a "DJ" if he had a song - by Static Revenger and Richard Vission, to be exact - and he told me that he did. Fantastic! I don't usually make a request of the DJ, but I really felt like hearing that song. I hear it come on a few minutes later, and it sounded really grainy and awful. Well, to my ear it did. It was also a tiny bit different than the song I know. I figured maybe it's a remix I hadn't heard of before. I went over to the booth to ask about it, and saw that this moron was actually playing a song from YOUTUBE. In a club. A very large, popular club in the Jacksonville area. I stepped back and started to really watch and listen.
I've noticed that this jackhole is doing something increasingly popular in this area these days. Jack some software, get some music from whatever pirating, torrent-based thievery site you choose, and show up at a club saying that you are a DJ. Let me tell you something, punk:
THAT DOES NOT MAKE YOU A DJ.
Plain and simple. How DARE you think that people like myself and so many other people I know in this area who have spent years, in some cases over a decade, perfecting their craft and still learn new things every day, spend thousands and thousands of dollars on equipment, tens of thousands of dollars on music, and who actually know what they are doing would even come close to accepting you as one of us...because you went to Wal-Mart (evil bastards) and bought yourself a $400 dollar laptop and jacked VirtualDJ. That doesn't make you a DJ.
Basically, this makes me very angry. And I'm not even that great of a DJ. There are guys in this area like Kaoss, Jimmy Jam, Sky, Nick @ Nite, The Wiz, my WHOLE Wilmington Crew and a few others that would wipe the floor with me. And I still get this angry. I really feel like you should have to pass some sort of test and earn the title. At least be able to tell someone what BPM's are. Maybe you could know that the little slide-back-and-forth-type thing is called a crossfader. Or what time-code means. Or tell anyone what transforming is. I can't do it, but DAMN, at least I know what it is.
I could spend 3 hours training an 18-year old who has never before seen DJ equipment up close and they'd tear you apart.
So, here is a proposal to anyone who wants to think about this and has the means to do it. Invite everyone in this area who calls himself/herself a DJ to a centralized location. I'll make up a written test, 20 questions, multiple-choice. We'll find someone who is willing to allow us to use some 1200's or some CDJ 1000's, and let's have a test. We'll call it a DJ aptitude test. You must be able to scratch over a song and make it sound at least worthy of being labeled a train wreck, beat mix two songs above the level of train wreck, and generally not blow out the speakers. I'll even provide my personal speakers. And my music. Oh, and you must be able to make an announcement over the mic without sounding like an effin' moron. (There goes half of them.)
And if you play dubstep, keep your hind parts at home and take the damn title. No one wants to hear that crap. I can go watch Transformers if I want to hear dubstep, and I'll be more entertained.
And I don't even want to get into karaoke playing people - in our world, they are BELOW the bottom of the barrel. Therefore, you are all excused, and are forever to be labeled Troglodyte KJ's. And if you are caught using the term "DJ" to refer to yourself, you are to have your jacked version of PCDJ removed from your computer, all of your stupid karaoke tracks wiped clean, and your equipment locked up for 4 months at a storage unit that we only pay one month of. At which time, it will be auctioned off to real DJ's, if we even want it.
In the interest of full disclosure, I have to say that most of the time I DJ from my laptop. I use Traktor DJ Studio 3 and a MAYA44 USB hooked up to a Gemini battle mixer, and I do not use time-code. The answer why is simple. I can't afford it. Most of the time when I get a gig, I get short-changed or screwed over, and I end up having to use what little money I do have to pay bills. That's why I'm in college. And I don't think buying a couple of Numark Axis 4 and Traktor Scratch Duo is the answer. Until such time as I can afford what I really want, I'll continue doing what I do. But, I do not use the sync button...EVER!!! Stop laughing at me.
(And what I really want right now is 2 Denon S3500's and a Pioner DJM800. Just sayin'…)
No comments:
Post a Comment