Another year is coming to a close. The social media blitz is getting ready to start, and I'm going to be reading a whole lot of well-wishes for holidays by many people.
But do me a favor, don't "Text Me Merry Christmas."
In as much as I have people in my life I love, that list has dwindled over the last year significantly. It is amazing how many people honestly think that a Facebook post/private message, Tweet, or text message is talking to someone.
I'm here to tell you, it's not.
I've had some big things happen this year. Things that have torn me down again, and I've spent time building myself back up. There are a few friends that have been a very big help, and they know who they are. So, my year in review looks like this:
View on the world:
If you are constantly bitching about race and things surrounding that, you're racist. White privilege DOES exist, and we all know it. If you can't handle that, maybe you need to have a come-to-Jesus moment. You know in your soul, way deep down in the part you don't let any one into, that if you're white, you have less to worry about. Because of my outward appearance, I've seen it. With my own two eyes. I've lived both sides of it, and know for a fact that it happens. It's not anyone's fault but society's and our grandparents and great-grandparents. And yes, in some cases, parents. I don't really care what you think about this, and if you are one of those that says "I'm so tired of hearing about this." STOP. Think. Because when a woman of color has to raise her son to be careful because they will KILL YOU, it's definitely a problem. And the reason you're tired of hearing it is because you are sick of being told the truth. Live in your Faux news bubble and be happy, and don't say a word about it because it's not your fight, right?
Or maybe you could stop dropping the N-bomb around your white friends in private and act like you have some damn sense.
I know people who do it.
Sidenote: I have also never seen such disrespect for a US President in my lifetime. If you don't like the President's policies, or the direction he's taking, or even anything about him, that's fine. But he BUSTED HIS ASS to get where he is, was ELECTED to that position by a popular vote, and does not deserved to be called names by anyone. The man has aged 20 years on his face over less than 7 years and is worthy of respect simply due to the fact that he is the President of this country. Disagree with him all you want to, but he does not need to "be choked to death" or "shut his mouth" - things I remember reading over this year. Just today I saw someone post that they spent the day yesterday getting to "p*ss and sh*t all over Obama's face." I have a feeling I know exactly why it's that way too.
If you're not willing to admit you're racist in front of the people you secretly don't like, then you're a coward. And I don't need you in my life. Which brings me to my next point.
Where I stand with "social media" and "friends"
You noticed the quotes, didn't you? HAHA! You kinda already know what's coming. As of December 24th, 2014, I have 509 people that consider themselves my "friends" in social media. These mostly consist of people I have worked with throughout the years, people I knew from back in the day, and a few real friends. Many of the people on that list don't even speak to me, and there are some that don't even acknowledge me in public. So, that list will be cut by over half by January 1, 2015. If I don't want to see you on my various forms of social media or have no interest in continuing to watch you disrespect certain things, I'm done. If you are reading this thinking it's not you, wait for that surprise, because it's coming, and you might be shocked. It may not even necessarily mean that I don't like you. It might just be that you're someone that makes me generally unhappy through no fault of your own. Or it could be that every time I read what you write I am disgusted by the state of human beings. ESPECIALLY people who claim to be religious in any way.
Other reasons: You don't ever post anything. You don't speak to me at all. You post stupid things. Or your grammar is just that atrocious. OR you're an ex and I can't stand seeing how happy you are with your new guy after abusing me; that includes women who I used to be interested in or claim they were interested in me. Which brings me to my next point:
Relationship Status
This is a subject that privately makes me so angry I see red. I watched someone I was in love with for years finally pick herself back up from being really far down and get pregnant with someone who she loves greatly. Maybe they will live happily ever after. That guy? Not me. Then later in the year got dumped by another chick who I thought I was going to marry eventually. Not the case obviously. The amount of rejection I've dealt with this year alone has been enough to drive anyone insane. Since said chick dumped me, the constant feeling I deal with is rejection; because it's all I get dealt. I am always on the back burner and second to everything. Work, school, kids, friends, television, whatever. I understand that certain things have to get done, but come on! I'm so sick of all the BS I hear on a regular basis. Women are too busy playing games to understand what realness is; constantly trying to convince you to go out with them so that they can get scared and run. I watch people with jobless, jealous, mean guys who are absolute DOUCHEBAGS and I can't even have a stable relationship? Yeah, over that crap. So, I've decided that I am going to put in the exact amount of effort I get. In the new year, I'm not paying any more. That decision comes from realizing I spent probably one to two thousand dollars on dates this year and am spending the holidays alone yet again. I'm texting first every third day. And if a female makes it clear that everything is more important than me and makes no effort to even make me feel the tiniest bit special to her, I have to dismiss her. Because my sanity is no longer worth it and my wallet can't take it. And my depression level continues to rise right along with my blood pressure.
It is what it is though. Found a great church this year, made some new friends that make me happy to see them. I have a great person in my life who is my teacher, mentor, and great friend. Learned some new tricks along the year, forgot some bad ones. Suffice to say that no, other than a few points, this has not been a great year. But that's okay. I have Jesus, Jim, and Dee. I have my family. Because everything is gonna change in 2015. And hopefully, I'll surprise myself. Because that's what I really want to do.
