Because no one listens.
It is ridiculous how many people use me for a sounding board. I seem to be a confidant for everyone I know. Usually, I'm okay with that. It means people trust me enough to tell me intimate things about themselves and know that I will never say a word.
For the past few months this has slowly been becoming unacceptable. It has dawned on me that I know a bunch of self-centered, self-absorbed, selfish assholes. People who talk about absolutely nothing but themselves and their problems and the solutions to their problems and things they have to deal with and so on. You get the idea.
The other day, for the first time in two or three weeks, I had someone ask me, genuinely, how I am doing. I actually had to stop and think about it, because it's been so long since someone showed genuine concern for my well-being. Truth is, pretty shitty... and it really took me a moment to figure that out!
I wish I could just write about "Oh, I can't find a girl that I like" or "Dating sucks" - but I haven't been trying to do that lately. Stepping away from that whole thing, I decided I was just going to hang out with some females because, let's face facts, I get along better with girls.
I got stood up, cancelled on, rainchecked, and just plain told no more than if I was trying to date someone.
Wow.
So, on to the guy friends. I honestly never knew that vagina was that important to people with penises. I also didn't know that it is no longer commonplace to just hang out with the guys...like a guys' night or something.
So I started really paying attention to things around me. When I am asked a question of a nature that has to do with my life, it is amazing how many people interrupt me to let me know that they already know because they either have dealt or are currently dealing with the same thing, or it's so much worse for them than it is for me, or how their friend is going through the same thing, or ..... wait a sec. (here comes the rant)
Shut. The. Fuck. Up.
How about you actually be a friend and listen to other people? When you need someone to listen to you, or watch you cry, or let you USE THE FUCK OUT OF ME, I don't say a word. I let you do what you need to do. But when *I* got some some shit going on, you can't shut the fuck up and let me vent? You know why I never cry?
BECAUSE MOTHERFUCKERS LIKE YOU NEVER LET ME GET THAT FAR!
Instead, I am relegated to spending all this time alone without ONE DAMN PERSON who will listen. When you call yourself a friend to someone, THAT'S YOUR FUCKING JOB.
BE THERE.
You got one damn job as a friend. I don't want money, I don't want a ride, I don't want a cigarette, I don't want ANYTHING but your friendship and your ear. NOT YOUR MOUTH. So once again, with conviction, I say:
SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP. and listen.
I give/loan money if one needs it and I have it. I have and will go out of my way to get one where they need to be if it's feasible. And usually, I'M the one who always has cigarettes and ends up broke from giving them to other people. I always seem to have great advice, and always seem to end up paying for the meal or the coffee.
But when I have some internal conflict and feel hurt in some way, why the FUCK do others ALWAYS feel the need to interrupt me and talk about themselves? If you can answer this, you know how to contact me. It honestly is a general question.
Sorry about all the expletives. (Not really. I'm not here to appease others.)
V
Postscript - There are a few people that this doesn't apply to. Please take a moment to wonder if it's you.
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